Art is a jealous mistress, and, if a man have a genius for painting, poetry, music, architecture, or philosophy, he makes a bad husband, and an ill provider. (Waldo Emerson)

Friday, December 20, 2013

I love my art because I love my art.

When I first started my art fan page on facebook and even this blog I couldn’t wait to see how many likes or followers I received and how fast I could get them. I had seen others and their Fanpages and blogs. They had hundreds and thousands of followers and likes. I knew that I was going to get them too! It didn’t really work out that way. I only have 66 followers on my blog and under 200 on my Fan page. I have had the blog for a couple of years and the fan page for maybe one.

After a while I would come on line and feel like I practically had to beg for people to like or follow for lack of interaction or recognition. Follow for a follow? Like me for a like? It seemed like that was the way that it should be. That is how everyone else was doing it and it worked for them! Right? Easy enough. So I did it. Nothing really came of it. I couldn’t even get those! It made me feel like I was no one again. My person wasn’t important or ‘good enough’ for the world again. I really did think that social networking would make me for once feel like a star! In reality it only made me feel like no was interested in again. Actually it made me feel worse. I was in cyber space where there are millions of people. But I still could not grab their attention.

Then I realized that it is just like before all over again. I am stripping myself of my person and trying to be something I am not once again. I am putting up with other peoples junk so that I can be noticed.  Like for a like. What if I don’t like what you are doing? Follow for a follow? Maybe the blog bores me because we do not share the same issues. I still have to pretend like I do just so that they will pretend that they are interested in me? Clearly they are not by the fact that they never even once liked my posts or read my blog entries. They never comment or even type hi onto to my wall.

I have to ask myself, is it worth it? This time I will not take years to figure this out. This time I am going to stop it now.

I am not a business trying to sell my product. I refuse to believe that anymore or hear that from other people. I am a human who creates art work. I am a human who paints for her sanity. I love my art work. It makes me who I am. It keeps me where I need to be. Not anyone else. It makes me a devoted mother and wife and a thoughtful person. I am also fully aware that it is a gift from God. So why do I need to worry about the amount of ‘likes’ or ‘followers’ that I have? I shouldn’t.

I am going to decide that I don’t. I also know that it is going to be easier said than done but I am going to still try. It’s my life and no one else’s. I have to be the one to maintain it. Not anyone else. I have been fighting for a long time to win the approval of Frankie to allow the internet to set me back again. I have come too far.

No more likes for a like. No more follows for a follow.

This may sound like I am over thinking things but I do think that all the social interacting on the internet has really done a number on us all in many more ways than this. 

This has happen before - How social networking makes you feel
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