I decided today that I am going to get back on track and make some more art. Since this decision I have been so happy. All day I feel like I have been skipping around and smiling and just enjoying myself completely. I came down into my space where I paint, the basement now, and started to map out a couple. I live in Montana now and so I wanted to work on something from here. We went to Yellowstone last year and saw some of the prettiest water falls and some of the stinkiest bison ever! So I decided I would make that my starting place...
The room here is a mess.. I know. I have lived in this house for only a couple months but I really have not been able to make it my own due to lack of time spent in it. I will for sure keep you updated. I think these two are going to make me so mad, so tired, so overwhelmed and ever so happy!
I want to say that I feel awful for not coming in here and posting on my blog, but to be honest I really don't. What makes me feel awful is what I posted about the last time I was here! My grandparents' portraits. You know I am STILL not done! That is what makes me feel awful. It has been such a weight on my shoulders. I do have some updates for you! I guess that is a good thing. Working all the time now really takes a lot of my time. I am wanting to change that. I really want to get back to my art work and be a full time artist. I think it would be wonderful! I really think that this time I can pull it off..
The flowers in my grandmothers hair need to be worked. They are "supposed" to be apple blossoms. She is from Michigan! :) I was trying to be thoughtful. Also there are many things on here that need working. I thought I could put an arch over their heads but I don't know how well that is working out as you can see I left it out because ... its not what I see in my mind.
It seems so simple so why can't I just finish it?? Its been a year! Usually it only takes me a couple days or even two or so weeks! This is getting out of control.
I am taking a break from my painting and thought now would be a perfect time to share some of what I am doing. For about three months now I have been working on a portrait of my grandparents. I am not a strong portrait painter so its been a little difficult for me. The subject doesn't really help either. It will be in the spot light of my whole family and trust me, we have a very big family! Lots of people watching. And of course the one that I really care what she thinks of it is my grandmother. My grandfather passed away in 2001 and I miss him so much. I miss her so much too. I take advantage of the fact that she is still here. I can't go and see her as much as I want to. It has been three years now and I know my heart can not take missing her anymore. I am making a trip out this summer to give her this painting.
I don't want to give too much of the painting away so I will just put pieces in here for my family who is watching! I want to surprise everyone when I get there. One day I am going to paint another portrait of them but at a very large scale. This painting is only 24 x 16.
The photo of the ear is my grandfathers. I just wanted to show off some of the skin tone. I am proud of the colors that I have come up with. I had a really hard time figuring out what colors to use at first. I worked on an old man painting and the flesh tones came out perfect! However, I couldn't repeat it. Then I was going through some old notes and saw it! I actually wrote down each color and put a little color swatch on the paper next to it. So here it is. I restarted it all. This is the third painting and I like it. I am keeping it.
Here is a photo of all three next to one another just to give you an idea of my struggles. You can see that the painting to the far left is the one I am keeping. Her arm in this photo was long and it has been fixed.
I have cried over this! I don't know if some people can relate to how important art can be to an artist or even to an art lover.
It is like the a song that you love to hear over and over. Well at least it is for me.
This photo of my grandma's hair is where I am right now. I am not sure how to clean up the sides of her scalp but I will figure it out. I will do their glasses and things the very last. So I will keep you updated! :) Thanks for tuning in.
Today me and my children were watching Brain Games. One particular part of the show they talked about how we as adults lose our creativity. By proving this, they took a simple picture of a red circle and two rectangles and gave the participant 5 seconds to come up with as many ideas that they could think of that reminded them of the picture. Most of them only came up with one. That includes myself. Then they invited some children to look at the photo and give their ideas. The children came up with up to 3 - 5 ideas in those 5 seconds.
I really thought that I was creative! But this showed me that I tried way too hard. I tried to think of rational things. The children just let go and said any random thing they could think of and some of the best ideas came from them.
One girl said, French fries and Ketchup among other things. Sushi even.
After this test, the adults were give a different picture to try to come up with ideas for. But this time after seeing all the things the kids came up with, they were encouraged to "think" like a kid again! Or to bring out their inner child.
This time around however, the adults relaxed and so many ideas came through in their 5 seconds.
I really wanted to share this idea with you and maybe you can test yourself. See what you come up with too! Are you as creative as you think you are?
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When I first started my art fan page on facebook and
even this blog I couldn’t wait to see how many likes or followers I received and
how fast I could get them. I had seen others and their Fanpages and blogs. They
had hundreds and thousands of followers and likes. I knew that I was going to
get them too! It didn’t really work out that way. I only have 66 followers on
my blog and under 200 on my Fan page. I have had the blog for a couple of years
and the fan page for maybe one.
After a while I would come on line and feel like I practically
had to beg for people to like or follow for lack of interaction or recognition.
Follow for a follow? Like me for a like? It seemed like that was the way that
it should be. That is how everyone else was doing it and it worked for them!
Right? Easy enough. So I did it. Nothing really came of it. I couldn’t even get
those! It made me feel like I was no one again. My person wasn’t important or ‘good
enough’ for the world again. I really did think that social networking would
make me for once feel like a star! In reality it only made me feel like no was
interested in again. Actually it made me feel worse. I was in cyber space where
there are millions of people. But I still could not grab their attention.
Then I realized that it is just like before all over
again. I am stripping myself of my person and trying to be something I am not
once again. I am putting up with other peoples junk so that I can be noticed. Like for a like. What if I don’t like what you
are doing? Follow for a follow? Maybe the blog bores me because we do not share
the same issues. I still have to pretend like I do just so that they will
pretend that they are interested in me? Clearly they are not by the fact that
they never even once liked my posts or read my blog entries. They never comment
or even type hi onto to my wall.
I have to ask myself, is it worth it? This time I will
not take years to figure this out. This time I am going to stop it now.
I am not a business trying to sell my product. I refuse
to believe that anymore or hear that from other people. I am a human who
creates art work. I am a human who paints for her sanity. I love my art work.
It makes me who I am. It keeps me where I need to be. Not anyone else. It makes
me a devoted mother and wife and a thoughtful person. I am also fully aware
that it is a gift from God. So why do I need to worry about the amount of ‘likes’
or ‘followers’ that I have? I shouldn’t.
I am going to decide that I don’t. I also know that it
is going to be easier said than done but I am going to still try. It’s my life
and no one else’s. I have to be the one to maintain it. Not anyone else. I have
been fighting for a long time to win the approval of Frankie to allow
the internet to set me back again. I have come too far.
No more likes for a like. No more follows for a follow.
This may sound like I am over thinking things but I do
think that all the social interacting on the internet has really done a number
on us all in many more ways than this. This has happen before - How social networking makes you feel
I was doing some studying lastnight on art and I came across a little thing on Theo Van Doesburg (1881 -1931). His art work made me think about something that may have nothing to do with the art itself. I don't know because I do not know enough about him. Just the small bit in the book that I have. So I am just going to tell you about that for now. Then later I can go and learn little more about him and see what his motives were. If there were in fact any at all.
I am not a huge fan of Modern Art. As a matter of fact if I had seen the end result of this study from Theo, I would have looked and moved on not thinking anything special about it. I don't "understand" it so I don't care to look at it. How awful is that?? Pretty awful but I admit it. And this thought is what got the ball in my brain rolling.
First let me show you what I saw:
Study of a cow 1 for composition
Study of a cow 2 for composition
Study of a cow 3 for composition
Study of a cow 4 for composition (Tempera, oil and charcoal on paper)
Study of a Cow Oil on Canvas 1917. Museum of Modern Art New York Purchase
So here you can see that he went from "natural" to "abstract". I do like to see how he broke it down the way he did. I can actually see the cow now in the last study. It makes perfect sense to me now.
The end result doesn't really "comply" with what I personally deem to be beautiful art. To me this is nonsensical. But with all the studies in play I see an entire lesson before me. Of course it is that old saying to never judge a book by its cover.
I started to think deeper than just art though. How easy it is for us to judge things that we don't understand so quickly? We do it to our fellow humans all the time. We don't understand another person so we tend to walk away. They do not comply with our standards so we turn around and ignore them. This painting reminded me of that.
I have seen so many people just like that painting. No order. No perspective. I can't identify who they are or what they are doing. I am sure that if I could go back to their natural state when they had beautiful curved smiles and beautiful shining eyes with depth and perspective, I would be able to see a hint of that still in their flat shapes and unrecognizable compositions that stood before me now. I wouldn't walk away so fast. I would actually appreciate them for what they are - Humans. Just like me.
So now for the end result of Study of a Cow. I appreciate what I see before me and see it as it
should be seen - as a work of art. Good Job Theo.
Theo Van Doesburg - Self portrait in a hat. I bet without those composition breakdowns - you would not have guessed he painted like this also! Just goes to show.. we judge way to quickly. I know I did!
A couple of weeks ago I was doing a little showing at one of my friends stores - Time Passages Broken Arrow and I had an accident. I had asked my friend if I could show one of her paintings because I believed it to be one of my better paintings.. She agreed and then made me promise that nothing would happen to it. I promised. Who would have thought that I would be the one to rip it?
Here is the painting. Before any damages.
Here is the rip. It was so dumb how it happen! I was setting up the easels that I had bought to display the paintings and it slid down over the painting and just cut it like a hot knife through butter! My heart sank! I couldn't breath! I had to hold back the tears because I didn't know the people I was around and really didn't think they would understand and maybe accuse me of being over dramatic.
I ended up putting a patch on the back with some gesso.
I learned this from the internet. I took a small piece of canvas material (I used cross stitch material) and cover it in gesso then basically stick it to the back of the canvas over the ripped section. I set something heavy on it to let it dry. Took about 3 days before I dared to touch it.
I could still see the spot where it had ripped so I then began to layer it with paint and match the colors. Soon I had it all nice and you couldn't see where it had been ripped. YAY! I was done! I saved it! Wrrong!
I had it sitting on a table waiting to dry and I think the cats knocked it down or something FREAK accident happen and when it was on the ground, I think my dog stepped on it and punched a huge hole in the upper left hand corner. I seriously thought I was going to have a nervous break down! I was pacing the floor.. Any painting but this one!! Why this one!?
This time the damage was much more so I had to rethink how to fix it. I learned a trick on the net that you can use Gelatin and chalk! It would make a type of putty that I could use in the front. First I had to do the patch on the back.. Same thing only this time I used none acidic tacky glue. it worked actually better.
This is what it looked like after it was dry. Now for the putty... You can still kinda see the one on her butt but I had to wait for it to dry then I filled it in more with paint. Good thing that part of her was textured. It was the top part that isn't which I new would be much harder.
I couldn't tell you how much of it all that I used but I will say it was about 2 teaspoons of the gelatin and maybe a stick in a half of chalk. I crushed it into a fine powder with the flat part of my meat tenderizer. That was fun.
I started to fill in the cracks..
Let it dry nicely then kinda sanded it down. It did not come out right the very first time and I ended up having to make more putty (it goes icky fast and you can't save it) and doing it again.
Finally I felt it was nice and flat and I could match up the colors again ... You can see a little spot there where the putty - I touched it and thought I could fill it in with paint. I couldn't but when its hanging on the wall you can't tell at all. Just if you are sticking your face right into it.
Here she is all fixed up. I know that the best way to fix the back is to fuse the fibers the best you can then use a glue of some kind to keep it together. Then once that dries you can do your putty and whatever you need in the front. I will need to practice that. I would really like to be able to paint and repair! Something for sure to look into. And my camera did not do the colors any good. It looks like junk. Setting me up for failure for sure! I assure you you can not see anything wrong with it in person. ;)
Another thing I saw was that instead of using the large patch you can use strips and pull the painting together like butterfly stitches.
OF COURSE the best way to take care of this is to send it to a professional to be fixed. IF You have the money. I didn't.
This is the worst experience so far. I have been turned down for shows and told that my art is not their "thing" and those both hurt... but now I know that it can get worse! This was worse.... I am glad its over.
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